Scratching Shed Publishing

Harewood has seen many tales unfold down the centuries and countless changes have altered the face of the village. This book is a treasury of inspirational writing and artwork by the pupils of Gateways School, an establishment with its own part to play in the story. Every contribution captures the beguiling spirit of Harewood. Gateways to Harewood is a special project, the like of which has never before been undertaken. It is unique in its desire not merely to document historical facts, but also to utilise them as a perfect springboard for creativity.

Those intrepid explores from Scratching Shed found me bronzing my lean godlike body in front of a nuclear power plant. All that radiation and I’m still not a superhero. They wanted me to return and annoy the teachers and parents of the world with my in-depth poems about the things that matter most: spots, farts and burps. At first I refused the riches and wealth they offered, but I finally broke when they offered me a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich. There’s only so much a man can take. So here it is, the poetry book I said I would never write. It’s full of poems – many of which you may have read in the hugely successful Potty Poet series, plus lots of new ones that only the people who live here in my little cell with its lovely padding have read (just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not there). If you really want to know what it’s like to have a spot on your bum or get your willy caught in your zip then read this book. It doesn’t contain any answers to life’s embarrassing problems but it does let us laugh at the misfortune of others.